Posts Tagged ‘humor’

When Your Protective Instincts Backfire Spectacularly

Posted: July 18, 2025 in Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , ,
6

You know that feeling when you realize someone you care about is in danger, but the person trying to protect them is actually making things worse? Well, welcome to my Tuesday afternoon.

I was supposed to meet Uncle Joey at his office for a meeting, but when I got there, Ramos intercepted me in the parking garage. “Change of plans. Manetto wants to meet at Tony’s Deli instead. Something about needing to get out of the office. I figured you’d want a ride over there, so I told him I’d bring you on my bike. Sound good?”

I smiled. Ramos always knew how to make my day. “You know it.”

After strapping on my helmet, I climbed on the back of his motorcycle and held on tight. I was pretty sure I knew where the deli was, but Ramos didn’t go in the right direction. Pretty soon, we were going further and further away, and I couldn’t figure out why. Had I misheard him?

Naturally, I listened in to his thoughts, hoping to find an explanation since we couldn’t exactly talk to each other. I drew a blank and knew he was blocking me out. Why would he do that?

Suddenly nervous, I lifted my visor, and shouted toward his ear. “What’s going on? The deli is the other way.”

He nodded and I picked up don’t worry, there’s something I have to do first.

I nodded and flipped my visor back down before settling in behind him. I didn’t pick up anything else – like an explanation – which he could have offered, so I tried to be patient. Soon enough, Ramos turned down another street that took us in the right direction and I relaxed.

After another ten minutes, we pulled into the parking lot of Tony’s Deli. I dismounted and pulled off my helmet. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing. Just thought you’d want a longer ride.”

I shook my head. “Ramos. You may be able to fool a lot of people, but you can’t fool me. What’s going on?”

He glanced around the parking lot before motioning toward the door. “Let’s talk inside.”

After stepping inside, I hoped to spot Uncle Joey, but he wasn’t there. Ramos led me to a corner table and we sat down. “Where’s Uncle Joey? Is he in some kind of trouble?”

Ramos closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yes and no. If I tell you what’s going on, you can’t tell him.” He was thinking that he could handle the problem, and he didn’t want Uncle Joey to know.

“That sounds bad. Are you sure you don’t want his help?”

“Shelby…” he growled. “I’m sure. I was hoping you wouldn’t pick up on it either, but I should have known I couldn’t keep a secret from you.”

I sat back in the booth. That stung. Did he resent me? He seemed more upset than I’d seen him in a while. “Fine.  What’s going on? Maybe I can help.”

He shook his head. “I’m taking care of it, in fact, by this time tomorrow, everything should be back to normal.”

My brows drew together and suddenly, things clicked into place. “Does this have something to do with Uncle Joey’s schedule changes? I swear things have been off lately. He’s never where he’s supposed to be. Is that because of you?”

Ramos let out a breath. “Yes. I’ve had to change things up because of a problem from my past. I ended this guy’s lucrative career, and now he wants to end mine by taking out Manetto. He left me a note telling me all about it. How stupid is that? But it made me realize that Manetto has a schedule that he sticks to, which makes him an easy target. For the last few days, I’ve been changing things up until I could figure out a plan to take Martinez down.”

“But why not tell Uncle Joey?”

“Because it’s my problem, not his. Maybe I would have, but Maggie and Syd are coming in tonight to visit. He doesn’t have time for this, and I can take care of it on my own. I’ve got it covered.”

I wanted to argue with him by pointing out that all of these mysterious changes were making Uncle Joey second-guess himself, and making him feel older and more vulnerable than he actually was.

But I also understood Ramos’s position. He was trying to eliminate a threat without dragging Uncle Joey into a conflict that was ultimately about Ramos’s past. In his mind, he was being noble and taking responsibility. Still, now that I knew, how could I stand by and do nothing?

“So what’s the plan? Maybe I can help?”

“No. I can take care of it.”

“I’m sure you can, but now that I know, I’d like to help out. Besides, if you won’t let me tell Uncle Joey, then at least let me help you.”

His brows drew down. Had I just issued him a challenge? Would I tell Manetto if he didn’t let me help him?

I rolled my eyes. “It depends on the plan. Come on Ramos… you know I can help you. If something goes wrong, wouldn’t you like someone there to watch your back?”

His shoulders slumped. “Fine… but what about Maggie and Syd? Aren’t you supposed to go over there tonight?”

“No. The family dinner is tomorrow night. See? I’m available.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Fine.”

Ramos told me all about his plan to take out Martinez in the parking lot of The Comet Club. “Martinez thinks Manetto will be there tonight. He’s usually there on Tuesdays, but I told Manetto not to come since Maggie and Syd are here. See? It’s perfect.”

“Okay, but where is he right now?”

“Oh. He’s at Lugano’s waiting for us.”

“But why did you come here?”

“To see if someone was following me.”

I shook my head. It would have been nice to know all that in the first place. “Okay. We’d better go.”

“Sure. Just make sure you keep this to yourself.” He was thinking that sometimes I had a problem not blurting out the things I heard.

“I will.”

The rest of the day passed by pretty quick, and soon I was with Ramos in the parking lot of The Comet Club, waiting for Martinez to show up. I tried to calm my nerves by focusing on the familiar sounds of the city, but my mind kept drifting to Uncle Joey, who was hopefully having a nice, quiet dinner with Jackie, Maggie and Syd, completely unaware that we were about to confront a man who wanted him dead.

Martinez showed up around nine-thirty, just like Ramos had hoped, which meant at least part of the plan was going right. Average height, stocky build, the kind of guy who looked like he’d been in too many fights and won most of them. But as I focused on his thoughts, I knew we were in trouble.

He wasn’t alone.

As I reached over to grab Ramos’s arm, he jumped out of the shadows to confront Martinez. At that moment, a car came roaring across the parking lot.

“Ramos! Move!”

Ramos dove to the left, and the car missed him by inches. While he rolled away from the speeding vehicle, Martinez changed tactics and started walking toward me.

“You must be Manetto’s niece. If I can’t have him, you’ll do just as well.”

I whipped out my stun flashlight, and held it toward Martinez in a threatening stance. “Stay back!” I knew I was in a vulnerable spot, but Ramos was fighting the driver of the car, and couldn’t get to me before Martinez did.

Martinez burst out laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

A voice cut through the chaos like a blade. “Try laughing at this.” Uncle Joey stepped out from behind a parked car, and Martinez went down like a sack of potatoes.

As Ramos finished dealing with the driver (who was now sorry he’d ever agreed to help Martinez), Uncle Joey walked over to us with the kind of calm that only comes from decades of experience.

“You know,” he began, “when someone specifically tells me not to go to my own club, it’s usually because something interesting is about to happen there.”

My eyes widened. “You figured it out.”

“Shelby, I’ve been in this business longer than you’ve been alive. When my schedule starts changing for mysterious reasons, and my second in command suddenly doesn’t want me anywhere near my own establishment, I tend to notice.” He glanced at Ramos. “Especially when my sister’s in town and I’m supposedly too distracted to handle a problem.”

Ramos cringed. “It’s my fault. Martinez was threatening me, and I wanted to take care of it myself.”

Uncle Joey shook his head. “I may be getting older, but I’m not dead yet.”

“I didn’t mean–”

“I know, I know.” Uncle Joey was a little offended, but deep down, he was trying not to laugh. “But I didn’t survive this long by not being observant.”

“We thought you’d be busy with Maggie and Syd tonight,” I said.

“And you thought I couldn’t deal with one threat while entertaining family?” Uncle Joey shook his head. “I appreciate the concern, I really do, but next time, maybe consider that the person you’re trying to protect might be better equipped to handle the situation than you think.”

As we stood there in the parking lot, with Martinez unconscious and his friend zip-tied in the back of a police car (don’t ask me how Uncle Joey made that call so fast), I realized something important.

Trying to shield Uncle Joey from a threat that he probably could have handled in two minutes was a mistake, and, in the end, he’d been the one to save the day. Of course, keeping this from him was Ramos’s idea, not mine, so I couldn’t feel too bad.

Uncle Joey wasn’t angry, exactly. Exasperated, maybe. A little insulted that we’d kept this from him. But mostly, he was amused by the whole situation.

“You know what the funny part is?” He asked, as we walked back toward the club. “Maggie’s been asking me all night if my life is really as exciting as she imagines. I was running out of interesting stories to tell her.”

“Well,” I said. “Now you have a new one.”

“Oh, I’m definitely telling her about this.” He chuckled. “I think she’ll get a kick out of it.”

He stopped and placed a hand on Ramos’s shoulder. “I appreciate that you wanted to take care of this yourself, but next time, keep me in the loop.” He put his other hand on my shoulder. “That goes for you, too. We work best as a team.”

So that’s my story.

Next time someone I care about is in danger, I’m going to remember this night. Sure, there are times when we need to take care of our problems on our own, but when it involves the people we love, it’s never a bad idea to ask for help.

Have you ever tried to help someone and just made things worse? Let me know in the comments!

Until next time!

XOXO ~Shelby

Wowza… What a Book!

Posted: April 2, 2025 in Advice, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , ,
7

This past week I’ve spent a lot more time at Thrasher Development in my office than normal, but that’s because of Jackie’s book. Oh my gosh! I could hardly put it down, and thinking about Serenity being me, and Stone being Ramos was… what can I say? Guilt-inducing, heat-flaming, or dream-fulfilling… take your pick! This book is definitely staying in my office… in my bottom drawer… where no one but me can find it.

I thought I’d write a review for you without any spoilers, but just when I got started, guess who popped in. Yup… Ramos. I had the book on my desk beside me, and his lips twisted into a knowing grin. Ugh!

“Looks like you finished the book. What did you think?”

Why did my heart speed up? It was just a book! I let out a breath and twisted my lips. “It was pretty good. Serenity was awesome. I don’t know about Stone though… he seemed kind of…” I met Ramos’s gaze and he narrowed his eyes, thinking I’d better be careful what I said next. “Uh… full of himself… at first. But he grew on me, especially after that massage he gave Serenity.” Oh hell! Why did I go there? “I mean… it was really thoughtful after everything that had happened.”

His lips twisted. “Right.”

“Wait. Did you even read it? I mean… I don’t want to give anything away, so maybe we shouldn’t talk about it.”

“Babe… I read it, so we can talk about it all you want.”

“Oh.”

“In fact…” His voice deepened. “I liked that part too… along with what happened the next night. That was even better.”

“Really? Hmmm… yeah… I guess it was okay.” Knowing I needed to change the subject from that hot scene that was frozen into my brain, my mind raced. “But she got a few things wrong, you know?”

His brows dipped. “What are you talking about?”

I swallowed. “Jackie. In the book she has Stone driving a Triumph instead of a Harley. I wonder why she did that? Did it bother you?”

He shrugged, liking how uncomfortable I was. “No. I think Triumphs are great. In fact, I’m thinking of getting one.”

“Oh yeah? That might be fun… as long as there’s room for a rider on the back.”

His eyes widened. “I thought you read the book.”

“Um… yeah, that’s right. Of course there’s room.” I hated sounding like an idiot, so I tried to change the subject again. “It’s funny that Jackie told me she used her pen name so people wouldn’t know the book was based on me…” Ramos raised his brow, so I backtracked. “…and you… but then she dedicated the book to me. Can you believe it?”

He chuckled. “I know. That was pretty funny, especially when she said you were the inspiration for the book. She should have just dedicated it to me.”

My brows drew down. “Yeah… but I’m the main character, so it makes sense.”

“You?”

“I mean… Serenity.”

“Uh-huh.” He grinned. “But Stone got plenty of chapters, so it would have worked just fine. Besides, the title is The Hitman and the Psychic. The hitman comes first, so he’s more important.”

“Ha! He is not. Do you know how many times he would have died without her?”

His lips twisted and he stepped closer to lean over my desk. “You realize we’re arguing over fictional characters, right?”

I met his gaze and grinned. “Yeah, it’s pretty funny.” I let out a sigh. “But it felt as if I knew them, so it seemed kind of real to me, you know?”

He straightened. “All too well.” He stepped toward the door, and glanced over his shoulder. “Except for one thing. I’m much better looking than some fictional character.”

I wanted to tell him that wasn’t quite true, because every time I imagined Stone in my head, it was Ramos’s face that I saw. Instead, I shrugged and let out a sigh. “I guess… well… I’d better finish this review so I can put the book away and get back to work.”

He chuckled, thinking I was a terrible liar, and walked out the door.

I shook my head. What was Jackie thinking, writing a story about me and Ramos? I should have paid her not to do it. On the other hand, I’d enjoyed every minute of the book. And… I could read it again any time I wanted. So maybe it wasn’t too bad. Besides, I could handle Ramos… right? And it was kind of fun to tease him, even if he could give as good as he got.

Anyway… after he left, I finally finished my no-spoiler review, so here it is!

The Hitman and the Psychic is one of those books that is hard to put down. It was non-stop action and totally believable… even the psychic part made sense. The chemistry between the main characters was off the charts, and I really wanted them to get together. Thank goodness I wasn’t disappointed! If you like romance with non-stop action, laugh-out-loud humor, and characters you’ll love, don’t miss Jocelyn Drake’s newest book!

There you go! If you can’t tell, I loved the book. If you read it, let me know if you love it too!!

Until next time,

Shelby

Grilled for Lunch?

Posted: September 30, 2024 in Advice, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
10

The other day, Jackie, Uncle Joey’s wife and administrative assistant, invited me to lunch. We’d never gone to lunch before, but with Uncle Joey standing there with his brows raised, I couldn’t turn her down. Not that I would have since we’d become friends. But, since I can read minds, I knew she had ulterior motives, and I wasn’t too happy about it.

Jackie started a new venture writing romance novels about the mafia. To support her, Uncle Joey even bought a small book publishing company and named it Manetto Books. Jackie had great success with her first book, so now she’s onto the next. That’s exciting and all, but this time she’s writing a character in the book based on me, and today she’s planning on picking my brain to help with her plot. I won’t lie, it is flattering, and, as long as no one knows she’s using my real-life stories, I guess it’s okay, although some of them are embarrassing. Because of that, I think you can understand my reluctance to share too much.

At least she waited until we’d given the server our orders before she started grilling me. “So Shelby, you know I’m basing a new character on you in the book I’m writing. I’m having a blast, but I need to know just a little more about your work with the police. Do they actually pay you for your help?”

“Yes, they do.”

“What’s the going rate?”

“I don’t get a lot. It’s a little under forty dollars an hour.”

She gasped. “Is that all?” She shook her head. “Shelby…you should get more than that. I mean…you solve most of their cases.”

I squirmed. “Yeah…you’re probably right. I think they’re putting more in the budget for next year.”

“I should hope so.” She pursed her lips. “You work mostly with just one detective, right? And you call him Dimples?”

“Yes. His name is Drew Harris, but… you’re not going to put his real name in the book, are you?”

“No, of course not. I already have a good name for my detective.”

“What is it?”

“Detective Scardino…but everyone calls him Dino for short.”

“Cool. I like it.”

She grinned. “Yeah. In my book your name is Serenity and I’ve actually added quite a bit to her psychic powers.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…along with having premonitions, she also has psychometry.”

“What’s that?”

“It means that when she touches something, she gets a vision about the object, or who touched it last…it’s kind of like premonitions, but touching things can bring the vision on. I mean…you get visions, right?”

“Uh…yeah. Sometimes I envision things.” I hope she didn’t catch that I was making this up.

She nodded. “I think it’s pretty cool. And adding psychometry makes it more interesting. Not that what you do isn’t…but this just adds a nice touch to her psychic abilities.” She grinned, thinking her use of the word ‘touch’ was pretty punny.

“Ah…touch…I see what you did there.” I smiled, grateful she didn’t know that I could read minds, since that would totally ruin everything. “So…Serenity…works for the police and the mob?”

“Well…I’m getting around to that. She doesn’t work for the police yet…but I think she will. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

I nodded. “Makes sense to me.”

“Yeah. So can you tell me about some of your cases?”

“Sure.” I mentioned a few of them, mostly telling her about the easy cases that didn’t involve someone trying to kill me. I did tell her about my latest case involving the bones I’d discovered, but I had to leave out the part where I heard ghostly whispers since she didn’t know I ‘heard’ things like that. It wasn’t quite as intriguing, but she liked it, even though she didn’t want to use the case in the book she was writing now.

“Thanks Shelby. That’s great information.” She took a drink of her water, wanting to hear more about the funny side of things. “You know…talking about the bones…I know all about the skunk. That was hilarious.” Her brows crinkled. “Ramos also mentioned a lizard but didn’t elaborate about that story, so I’m really curious. Can you tell me what that was all about?”

I raised my brows. “Uh…actually, I’d rather not.”

“Oh come on…it can’t be that bad.”

“Yes it can.”

Her lips drew down, but she decided not to push it, thinking she could probably get it out of Ramos. “All right. But someday, you’ll have to tell me.”

“Sure. So how’s Miguel doing in New York?”

Jackie loved talking about Miguel and filled me in on his latest news. We spoke for a while longer about the New York Manettos and Maggie and Syd’s adjustment to married life. Before we knew it, it was time to get back to work, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I’d made it through without revealing too much.

On the elevator ride up to Thrasher, Jackie gave me a sideways glance. “I am taking some liberties with Serenity’s character. In my book she’s not married and she and the hitman, Stone, are…well…quite attracted to each other. Since my book is a romance…they’re the romance part of the book. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable, since he’s based on Ramos. But just remember…it’s not real, and I think my readers will love it.”

“Well…I guess it’s important to keep your readers happy.”

“It certainly is.”

“In that case, I can’t wait to read it myself.”

Her chest swelled with happiness, and she thanked me again. The elevator doors opened, and we went our separate ways; her to her writing, and me to Uncle Joey’s office to meet with an employee whom Uncle Joey thought could be stealing from him.

I welcomed the distraction, but I had to admit, I could hardly wait to read Jackie’s newest book. I looked forward to the romance and all the kissing between Stone and Serenity. It was an easy way to indulge in my deepest fantasies without having to feel guilty, right? Well…I may be kidding myself, but as a great writer once said…to read a good book is like living a thousand lives without leaving the comfort of your own home…so that’s what I’m planning to do. I’ll let you know when it comes out, just in case you want to read it too.

Until next time!

~Shelby

Date Night

Posted: June 14, 2024 in Advice, Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
12

From the title, you probably think this is going to be about a date I had that went horribly wrong. You wouldn’t be too far off, but it wasn’t my date. As most of you know, my son, Josh, just turned sixteen and he’s in high school now. Needless to say, the last school dance of the year wasn’t long ago, and Josh got asked by a girl I didn’t know.

As most of you are thinking, yes… I checked her out, and found that she was a senior and quite popular. She was also gorgeous. So why did she ask Josh to go to the dance? I could only guess, but of course, Josh agreed to go, and he thought it was because he was hot and had his own car.

Anyway… to make a long story short, the night of the dance came and she picked him up in a limo. She even came to the door to get him, which was perfect, since I planned on finding out exactly what she was thinking about their date.

Luckily for her, there was nothing nefarious about her intentions, or it might have turned out differently. She’d asked him to go with her because she’d just broken up with her boyfriend and she wasn’t about to miss the last dance of her high school experience. She also thought Josh was really cute, and she wanted to have a fun time with him and her friends. Then I heard that the other girls in the group had asked younger boys, so Josh wasn’t the only one. I picked up that they’d done it to show the senior boys that they weren’t the only fish in the sea, which I had to admire.

Relieved that it wasn’t anything serious, I told him goodbye and hurried out the door myself. Uncle Joey had requested my presence at a dinner he’d scheduled with an out-of-town guest, and I didn’t want to be late. Inspired by the kids, I’d even dressed up a bit, wearing the red dress I’d picked up in New York a few months ago.

At the restaurant, Uncle Joey greeted me warmly with a kiss on the cheek, and introduced me to his guest, Gabe Dunn. He was close to my age, and lavished me with attention after finding out I was Uncle Joey’s niece. Naturally, I knew he was just kissing up, so I didn’t let it go to my head, although I did enjoy being called ‘beautiful,’ and ‘lovely.’

We were shown to a table by a window, and I sat between the two men, which left an empty chair across from me. Before I could ask who else was joining us, Ramos strode to our table. He wore a black dress shirt and jacket combo, and every woman in the place couldn’t take their eyes off him. He pulled out the chair with his back to the window, and sat down with a smile, knowing he was the center of attention, and loving it.

While we looked over our menus, I picked up that Gabe was nervous about this meeting because he owed Uncle Joey a large sum of money, and he didn’t have it. In fact, he was so desperate, that he was willing to gamble his life for it.

Unsure how he planned to do that, I listened real close, but got distracted by a big group of kids coming into the restaurant. There were four couples. The girls wore prom dresses that barely covered their cleavage, and were accompanied by boys in their best suits and ties. Spotting Josh among them, I gasped. Holy hell! Of all the joints in all the city, he had to come to this one?

Luckily, he hadn’t seen me yet, and I hoped he wouldn’t. Still, Uncle Joey narrowed his eyes and glanced my way with a raised brow, asking in his mind if that was Josh… and what was he doing there? Ramos and Gabe had noticed the group as well, and both of them smiled at the sight. Then Ramos’s brows rose and he glanced at me, asking if I knew Josh would be here.

I shook my head and shrugged, trying to ignore the group, and hoping that Josh didn’t notice us. We ordered our food, and Uncle Joey asked Gabe if he’d had a pleasant visit. While they spoke, Josh’s date happened to glance in my direction and her eyes bulged. She elbowed Josh and pointed me out, thinking that I was one of those moms, and maybe Josh wasn’t so cool after all.

Josh spotted me and his face turned red. What the hell was I doing there? Was I keeping track of him and his date? This was terrible. Then he noticed Uncle joey at my side and Ramos sitting across from me, and it all made sense. He relaxed, and a little smile crept over his lips. He sent me a chin-lift and leaned over to his date, explaining that I was with my boss, and that I worked as a private investigator.

Hearing that, his date’s eyes widened and her attitude changed from disgust to admiration. After ordering their dinner, she asked Josh dozens of questions about me and some of the cases I’d worked on. Josh had a great time telling her about my latest escapade with the police in solving a cold case.

Whew… grateful I’d dodged a bullet with that one, I turned back to the conversation at my table. Our entrees arrived and I enjoyed the first few bites of my rib-eye steak and baked potato. After that, I picked up Gabe’s thoughts of desperation, and that he’d have to go through with his plans to kill Uncle Joey. I nearly choked on my last bite and had to take several large gulps of water to wash it down.

“Are you all right?” Uncle Joey asked, patting my back.

I cleared my throat a few times before I could answer. “Sorry… yes. I’m fine now.”

“Good.” He glanced at Gabe and continued their conversation.

Ramos’s brows rose. He hadn’t missed my reaction, and knew something was going on. I smiled at him and nodded. I waited until Gabe took a bite of food, and turned to him. “So Gabe… I understand you’re feeling a little desperate about the money you owe my uncle.”

His eyes widened and he dropped his fork on the ground. “Shit. Uh… excuse me.” He leaned down to pick it up, and set it next to his plate. Turning his mega-watt smile on me, he raised his brows. “Not at all. Whatever gave you that idea?” As soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t.

“Well… sometimes desperate people do desperate things, so I’m just warning you that killing someone is not always the best solution.”

I glanced at Uncle Joey, who raised his brows and sent Gabe a piercing stare. “You planning a little something to happen to me?”

Gabe swore in his mind and swallowed. “Of course not. I would never do something that stupid.” He glanced down at his hands. “To be honest, I am trying to work out a solution to solve my cash flow so I can pay you back.” He was thinking that he may have thought about killing Uncle Joey, but he’d never do anything like that in a million years.

He narrowed his eyes at me, wondering how I’d known… or maybe it was just something that happened often enough that it was a pretty good guess.

“So, is paying me going to be a problem?” Uncle Joey’s lips turned down and he was thinking that it was just as he’d thought, and Gabe didn’t have the money after all. It was so discouraging. Why did these people guarantee him a nice payout if they didn’t plan to follow through? Were they not scared of him enough? Had he lost his tough-guy image?

I wanted to tell him that he hadn’t lost anything… mostly because so many people wanted him dead, but that wasn’t something I could blurt out over dinner.

Ramos met my gaze, thinking that I’d better figure out a solution, or Uncle Joey would have to do something drastic… like have him break both of Gabe’s legs… just to save face.

My eyes widened and I glanced at Gabe. “Listen Gabe… you don’t want to end up with a couple of broken legs, do you?”

Gabe’s eyes bulged, and he shook his head. “Of course not.” He met Uncle Joey’s gaze. “I’m sure I can get the money together. I just need another day or two. Is that acceptable? I can have it by day after tomorrow?”

Uncle Joey leaned forward. “Let’s finish our meal first. While we do that, you can come up with an offer I can’t refuse. How does that sound?”

Hesitant, Gabe finally nodded. “Sure. I appreciate it. Thank you.” He licked his lips before picking up his dirty fork and began carving up his prime rib. Thoughts of stabbing Uncle Joey with the knife filled his mind, but he pushed them back, thinking that he’d have to figure out a better way to do it. In the meantime, he figured he could sweeten the deal by adding half a million in cryptocurrency. He’d been keeping his crypto for a rainy day, and even though it was all on paper, he hoped Uncle Joey would fall for it.

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I just took another bite of my steak and let Gabe make the offer to Uncle Joey. Gabe thought it was the perfect solution and his enthusiasm kept him talking a lot longer than he needed to. He nearly got all the way to the end of his spiel before he noticed Uncle Joey’s frowny face.

“Uh… excuse me.” Gabe set his napkin on the table. “I need to visit the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

As soon as he left, I turned to Uncle Joey. “I think he might take off. Do you want Ramos to follow him?”

Uncle Joey sighed. “Not tonight. Let’s finish our dinner and we’ll deal with him… later.”

I nodded. “I know it’s discouraging, but don’t lose hope. He might still come through.”

Gabe never did come back. As we finished our meal, I entertained Uncle Joey and Ramos with some of the thoughts I’d picked up from Josh’s table. Most of the girls’ thoughts were about how much they wanted to eat their food, but couldn’t because their dresses would be too tight. Some of the boys felt awkward. They wanted to look cool and make their dates laugh. But all-in-all the group was having a good time… and so did we.

The group finished up, ready to head to the dance. Since our entertainment was leaving, we decided to head out as well. Before we stood to leave, Josh surprised me by bringing his date over to our table. He introduced her to all of us, and both Uncle Joey and Ramos stood to meet her.

She seemed a little star-struck at the attention, especially when the full force of Ramos’s intensely dark gaze met hers. He also spoke to Josh like they were old friends, and it impressed her even more. Needless to say, Josh rose several notches in her esteem, and he didn’t mind that at all.

We said our goodbyes and they all hurried out to their limo. I picked up some nostalgia from Uncle Joey about his high school days, and wishing he’d enjoyed them more. Ramos didn’t have the same feelings since he’d spent most of that time involved in a gang. But it did remind him of his girlfriend back then, and how things could have been different if she hadn’t died.

Yikes. “So what’s the plan for Gabe?”

Ramos smirked. “I’ll pay him a visit later tonight.” He raised a brow. “Hopefully I won’t have to break his legs.” He was mostly teasing. “Did you pick up anything from him that I need to be aware of?”

I shook my head. “Just be on your guard. He was thinking about killing Uncle Joey, but then a lot of people do, so I don’t know if he’d really try it, but…” I shrugged. “You never know.”

Uncle Joey raised a brow. “They do?”

“Only the ones who owe you money… so you should take that as a compliment, right?”

He huffed. “If you say so.”

“Oh… and don’t worry that you’ve lost your touch. These guys are all intimidated and scared by you, so it’s all good.”

His lips twisted. “Thanks Shelby. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Who knew those kinds of compliments would ever be a good thing? I smiled at him and we said our goodbyes before going our separate ways; Uncle Joey and Ramos to plan how to handle Gabe, and me to my car and home.

In the end, Josh had a great time and even thought having me for a mom wasn’t so bad. Go me! Uncle Joey ended up getting his money from Gabe, and Ramos assured me he didn’t break any legs in the process.

It turned out that the evening was a huge success after all, which doesn’t always happen when I’m involved. In fact, it was so fun, that I’m wondering if I can manage to be at the same restaurant as my kids and their dates all the time… hehehe.

Mafia Romance

Posted: April 5, 2024 in Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
7

As most of you know, I work for a mob-boss because he knows my secret that I can read minds, and he finds it beneficial to his business dealings to know if anyone’s lying to him.

Recently, his wife, Jackie began writing mafia romance novels (I know, right?). To further her career, Uncle Joey purchased a small publishing company and renamed it “Manetto Books.” So far, her first book is doing great in the mafia-romance genre, and she is nearly finished writing the second one in the series.

With all that going on, most of her work in the office is answering phones and writing books. Somehow, Uncle Joey doesn’t seem to mind. Of course, since they’re married, she doesn’t have to worry about getting fired.

Usually when Uncle Joey asks for my help, it’s to help him with a client, or a business associate, but not today. After I arrived, Jackie invited me into Uncle Joey’s office where he was talking with a suave-looking guy in his thirties. As I entered, they both turned to greet me, and Uncle Joey introduced me to him.

“Shelby, this is Tommy DeVine, he’s an agent who’s interested in the movie rights to Jackie’s books.”

My eyes widened. “Oh wow! That’s great.”

“Hello Shelby.” Tommy held out his hand for me to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

Uncle Joey nodded. “Shelby’s my niece, so I like to involve her in these types of decisions.”

“Of course,”

“So tell us about your offer.” Uncle Joey was thinking that I needed to listen closely to make sure this wasn’t a scam.

Tommy sent a smile Jackie’s way. “My agency liked Jackie’s book so well, we thought it would make a great TV series, so we wanted to represent her if the rights were available.”

Uncle Joey cocked his head. “I can’t argue with you there. She’s a great writer. Yes, the rights are available. What did you have in mind?”

“That’s great.” He glanced at Jackie again. “I understand you’re continuing the series?”

“Yes. I’m almost done with the second book.”

“Great. That’s what we were hoping for. We would have a contract written up that would include all future books, and I can have it to you in the next couple of days.”

“I see.” Uncle Joey’s brows drew together. “And how soon would you have a producer for the TV series?”

“We’d like to start pitching it as soon as all the legal matters are taken care of.” He was thinking that it could take a while, because pitching it to all his contacts might not get the results he wanted, but getting the rights would bring him one step closer.

My brows rose. “But we wouldn’t be giving you the TV rights. You’d just represent Jackie’s books, correct?”

“That’s right… I’d just be her agent and I’d start working on it right away.”

I nodded, but picked up that he was pretty booked for the next little while, but he’d get to it as soon as he could. He’d recently overheard a competitor talking about Jackie’s book, and knew if he wanted to get to her first, he had to act fast. He hadn’t even read the book yet, which he’d always done in the past, but he didn’t want the opportunity to slip by. He could always read the book after that. If it wasn’t any good, he wouldn’t waste his time pitching it. So – he didn’t have much to lose, and everything to gain.

I glanced at Uncle Joey. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look at his offer.”

Uncle Joey nodded, thinking that I’d picked up something, so he’d go along with it for now. “Sure. We’d like to see it, then we’ll decide what to do.”

“Great. I’ll get to work on it and have it sent over right away.”

We all said our goodbyes, and he left. Jackie was so thrilled, she could hardly think straight. I didn’t see any reason to burst her bubble, since it could still work out. After she went back to her desk, Uncle Joey turned to me.

“So what did you find out?”

I told him all the particulars and he nodded, thinking it was about what he’d expected. “Thanks Shelby. I am surprised he hasn’t read it, but I guess it makes sense.”

“Yeah. So what are you going to do?”

“We’ll see what his offer is. I’ll most likely turn it down, which is what I had in mind anyway. I mean… I know people in the entertainment industry, so I’m not about to go with this guy anyway. I just wanted Jackie to have a thrill, you know?”

“Oh. Right. But aren’t you worried she’ll be disappointed?”

“No… she’ll understand. She’ll want the best agent to represent her anyway, so it’s all good.” He was thinking that he wasn’t sure he wanted her books turned into a TV series. It was a little too personal, so he wanted to take it slow. Plus, if it ever did make it to the big screen, finding someone to play him would be hard… there just weren’t that many actors with the chops to do him justice.

He glanced my way and winked.

I chuckled. “You have a point.”

“But… of course, I won’t completely rule it out.” He rubbed his hands together, thinking he could make a lot of money on a TV deal, and, with the right wording in the contract, it wouldn’t come back to haunt him.

“Sounds good. Let me know what happens.”

“I will.”

I left soon after that, stopping at Jackie’s desk to share in her excitement before heading home. I knew that, depending on how much money he could make, Uncle Joey would definitely consider it.

Just thinking about it triggered my imagination. What actor could play Uncle Joey? And then there was Ramos. Who would play him? Was there even an actor alive that could do him justice? Not that I could think of. Still, I could hardly wait to get home and do a google search of hot Latino actors who could do the job.

Anyways… Now I kind of hope it happens, because how fun would it be to see Uncle Joey and Ramos on the big screen? Plus… since I knew Jackie had already written a character based on me in the second book, I could be part of it as well. Whoa! Who could play me?

I guess that’s all for today. I’ll keep you posted about the deal, but if you have any good ideas for actors, I’d be curious to know who they are!

Until next time!

~Shelby

Stress Relief

Posted: August 19, 2023 in Advice, Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , ,
12

Lately, I’ve had a lot of stress in my life. There are several factors that probably contribute to this. One might be that I work for a mob boss. Another might be that I also work for the police. Besides both of those, I have my own consulting agency. Then there’s my family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and kids, but raising two teenagers can be a bit of a challenge.

But I think the biggest stress inducer is the fact that I can read minds. I used to think it was awesome to know what people were thinking, but now, I’m not so sure. If you don’t believe me, you should just think about it for a minute. Would you want to know what other people really thought about you? I didn’t think so.

I’ve had some time to work with a counselor and I’ve found meditation to be helpful. And I do love long baths. But to be honest, the best stress reliever for me is taking a motorcycle ride. As you may know that involves a certain hitman, which means that if I want my favorite stress reliever, I have to deal with some stress inducing problems.

Like today… I stopped in at Thrasher for a quick meeting with Uncle Joey… the mob boss for whom I work. That quick meeting turned into two hours, and by the time we were done, I could hardly wait to get out of there. But Uncle Joey wasn’t done with me. I had to stay for another meeting. An hour later, the meeting ended, and he invited me to his office for a chat. I may not have stayed, but he needed to know what everyone had been thinking during his meetings, and I had to fill him in before I forgot.

Luckily, I had plenty of notes, so it didn’t take too long. He isn’t always happy with what I find out, mostly because a lot of people don’t tell the whole truth and it makes him angry. Still, he’s gotten more used to it since the early days, so it’s not so bad.

Still… by the end of our little meeting, my stress levels were pretty high. That’s when Uncle Joey told me he had one more thing for me to do. I may have glared at him, because his brows rose, then his lips twisted up. “Don’t worry Shelby. You’ll like this one.”

I couldn’t pick up what it was and shook my head. “Really? Why?”

“Because it involves a motorcycle ride. What do you say?”

I let out a sigh. He knew I couldn’t resist that. “Is it far?”

He nodded. “Oh yes… all the way to the private airstrip and back.”

I licked my lips. That was a nice ride, and it would certainly go a long way in reducing my stress levels. “Okay. I’ll go.”

His knowing smile almost made me tell him no… almost, but not quite. In fact, he knew that I’d do practically anything he asked if it included a ride with Ramos. As if thinking about him conjured him up, Ramos knocked at the door and poked his head inside. “Are you done?”

“Yes. Here’s the package.” Uncle Joey handed a large envelope to Ramos. “Shelby’s going with you. I need her to tell me his reaction to the contents. And… she really needs to get out of here.”

“Is that right?” Ramos raised his right brow, thinking that was code for Manetto rewarding my diligence and keeping me happy after what he’d put me through.

“Yes it is.”

I threw up my arms. “Can we just go already?”

It didn’t take long before we were on our way. Ramos was thinking that Uncle Joey knew my weakness and now he would use it whenever he wanted… but he wasn’t going to complain. He probably liked it almost as much as I did.

I wanted to swat him, but he was right.

So there you have it. Never reveal your weakness to a mob boss if you want to stay out of his grasp… unless it’s going for a motorcycle ride with Ramos. Uncle Joey thought he had me over a barrel, but if you really want to know, I think it’s the other way around. Just don’t tell him that.

Summer T-Shirt

Posted: June 30, 2023 in Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , ,
18

Summer is always a busy time at my house, mostly because the kids are out of school. Between their activities, my work, vacations, and family events, I hardly have time to sit down and relax. That’s why I wasn’t too happy when Uncle Joey asked me for a favor right after I got home from an exhausting day. But how do you say no to a mob boss?

Grabbing a Diet Coke, I got back in my car and drove to Thrasher Development without taking the time to change out of my shorts and t-shirt. He wanted me there fast, so I figured he’d have to take me as I was. Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking garage and hurried to the elevators. Naturally, I glanced behind the pillar to see if Ramos’s Harley was there. Seeing it brought a smile to my face, even though I probably wouldn’t get to go on a ride. Still, I could always hope.

As I stepped into the office, I knew I’d made a mistake by not changing my clothes. Jackie’s brows rose, and she was trying to decide if she should send me into the meeting, or send me home to change. Before she could say a word, Ramos stuck his head out of the conference room.

“Good. You’re here. We need you.”

He didn’t seem bothered by my attire, so I hurried into the conference room. Inside, I found Uncle Joey, along with two men I didn’t recognize. They stood and Uncle Joey introduced me. “I’d like you to meet my niece, Shelby Nichols. Shelby, this is Tyson Lawrence and his brother Jordan Lawrence. They have a new start-up company and they’re looking for investors.”

They each shook my hand, wondering why Uncle Joey had invited me into the meeting. Was he thinking that I might want to invest? I smiled, but had no idea why I was there either. “It’s nice to meet you.”

After sitting down, Uncle Joey explained all about their product which turned out to be an app for keeping track of game scores and stats of professional sports. Why this was important was totally lost on me. I wasn’t really into professional sports. Of course, I watched all the soccer games my son played in, along with a few basketball and football games on TV, but that was about it.

I glanced at the brothers and picked up embarrassment and a little shock – all directed at me. They kept staring at my t-shirt, and thinking that I was going to be in trouble if Uncle Joey noticed what it said. One of them thought it wouldn’t be so bad if Uncle Joey wasn’t a mob boss, but this might just be the end of me.

I couldn’t remember what t-shirt I had on, let alone what it said. Glancing down, I tried to make out the words, but it took me longer than I liked since they were upside down. “If you think I’m crazy, wait till you meet my boss.”

Oops. There were right. I was sure Uncle Joey wouldn’t appreciate it at all. “I’ll be right back.” I pushed my chair back and turned away from Uncle Joey to head to the door. Ramos took in my flushed face, and followed behind me. Out in the hall, I let out my breath and sagged against the wall.

“What’s going on?”

“This!” I pulled my shirt out so he could read it. His brows rose and he wondered why I’d ever wear that to the office. “Hey… I’ve had a busy day, and when Uncle Joey called, I just came over. I didn’t even realize I had it on. I need to take it off before I go back in there. Do you have something in the apartment I could borrow?”

He was stuck on the taking-it-off-part, and imagining me going back in there without a shirt. It reminded him of the time I’d thrown off my clothes all the way down to my underwear. Right in the middle of a field. What a day.

“Ramos… stop that. Do you have something I can borrow or not?”

“Uh… we can go look.” He led the way to his apartment at the end of the hall. Inside, I followed him down a short hallway to the bedrooms. He thought there might be something left from a former girlfriend in the guest room closet, but that was so long ago, that he doubted it.

Since I was desperate, I hurried to the closet and opened the doors. It was empty accept for a bathrobe and a couple of scarves… or maybe that was lingerie? It was hard to tell.

Ramos had gone into his room, so I joined him. He pulled a few things out, but they were so big, I knew it was a lost cause.

“I guess I could always turn my shirt inside out and go back in there.”

Ramos nodded, but he thought that would be too obvious. Besides, he liked the idea of me in one of his shirts. Pulling out a dark-blue, light-weight t-shirt, he handed it to me. “Here… this is pretty tight on me. It might work. Go ahead and put it on. I’ll wait in the kitchen.”

“Okay. Thanks.” After he shut the door, I tugged off my shirt and pulled Ramos’s shirt over my head. It was huge on me, but the color was good, and I could tuck the front into my shorts for that half-dressed-look. Checking the mirror, I decided it wasn’t half-bad, and, even better, it smelled like his warm spicy scent. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. I joined him in the kitchen. “I think this will work.”

He glanced at me and nodded, thinking that it was pretty big, making the neckline a little low, but that didn’t bother him… at all. Pulling the neckline up, I followed him back to the meeting and pretended that nothing was different. The brothers didn’t say a word, but they thought I’d barely escaped with my life. Of course they were exaggerating, but I was grateful just the same.

The meeting wrapped up and they left, but I stayed behind to tell Uncle Joey what they’d been planning. At the end of our conversation, Uncle Joey glanced at my shirt. “Why’d you change your shirt?”

All sorts of excuses came to mind. Before I decided on one, I picked up that Uncle Joey had liked my shirt. He thought it was funny. But he had to admit that the moment I’d realized what it said was even funnier. “You should have seen the look on your face.” He chuckled. “All right. I guess that’s all for today. Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.”

“Sure.” I shook my head and left the room. Smiling, Ramos came behind me and let me into his apartment. I went straight to his room and changed back into my shirt. Opening the door, I found Ramos waiting for me. “Thanks. I guess it was all for nothing.”

“Not necessarily. I enjoyed seeing you in my shirt. If you want to leave a change of clothes here, there’s plenty of room in the guest closet.”

I nearly choked. “Huh… right. Probably not… I mean… how would it look, you know? But thanks anyway.”

He shrugged, thinking it wasn’t that big a deal, but, knowing me, something would happen and I’d get into trouble over it.

I hurried to my car and managed to get home in one piece. What a day… but at least it had all turned out right in the end. Still, from now on, I’d make sure I checked my clothes before I headed into the office.

Spring Fling

Posted: April 27, 2023 in Advice, Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , ,
32

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow, I got roped into helping at the high school Spring Dance.

My best friend Holly is actually the one who roped me into it, since she was in charge. Her oldest child is a senior and Holly is president of the PTSA, so she needed the help. It didn’t seem fair since neither of my kids were going, but that was because Savannah is still in junior high, and, as a sophomore, Josh had no interest in Senior Prom. Still, when your best friend needs you, you help out.

Holly doesn’t know I can read minds, but she believes I have premonitions, which is what I tell everyone to explain my ability. Because of that, Holly thought I would be the perfect person to watch over the dance in a security capacity to make sure nothing bad happened. Considering all the school shootings, I couldn’t blame her for wanting the event to be safe, and who better to do that than someone who had premonitions? (her words… not mine)

Naturally, I said yes, but only on the condition that I was there in an official capacity. She agreed, and provided me with a black t-shirt that had SECURITY in white capital letters across the front, along with a school pass in a lanyard. That way, I could tell the kids what to do and get away with it. I’d be sure to wear my black jeans, along with a belt that held my stun flashlight. She had another t-shirt made for the gym teacher, who would be my partner, and we were all set.

That night, I arrived at the school wearing my official lanyard, along with the black security t-shirt, jeans, and boots. My stun flashlight in a case on my belt was a nice touch, and I’d pulled my long blond hair into a ponytail and wore my black cap with ‘security’ written across the top that I’d used before when I’d helped Uncle Joey. All in all, I looked pretty bad-ass.

I walked into the gym, which had been decorated like a woodsy forest, with fake trees, grass, and dangling vines and flowers, and, I had to admit, I was impressed. Holly was already there and hurried to my side. “Shelby! I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hey, no problem. This looks great.”

“Isn’t it cute?”

“Sure is.”

She took me to her PTSA office and unlocked the door so I could leave my jacket and my purse inside. Back in the gym, she took a deep breath, hoping her news wouldn’t upset me. “Um… it looks like Coach Monson has come down with a bad case of stomach flu, or food poisoning, so he’s not going to make it. I’ve asked a couple of the other teachers to take his place, but so far, I haven’t had any luck.”

“Oh… that’s too bad, but I should be okay.”

She nodded, but she was thinking that, even though I looked official, the kids might not take me seriously. Sure, I had ‘security’ in bold letters across my shirt, but I wasn’t big enough to haul someone out of the gym on my own. But maybe I could ask someone for a favor? She wouldn’t mind seeing the hot hitman again, and he would certainly intimidate anyone who got out of line.

“You want me to ask Ramos?”

Her eyes widened. “Uh… yeah, I was just thinking that. Do you think he’d come?”

“I can’t ask Ramos. I owe him too much already. Besides, he’s probably busy.”

“You don’t know that for sure. Even if he could only come for a couple of hours, it would be worth it. We probably don’t need him until things get going, around eight or so. You could at least ask him, right?”

I shook my head. “Only if you have something to offer him. He won’t do it for free.”

“Even for you?”

“Oh… he’d do it for me, but then I’d owe him, and I’d have to do whatever he wanted… you know? I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

She blinked, immediately thinking that he’d want a night of hot love-making, and her eyes widened. “Oh! Wow! I see.” She was thinking that it might be worth it… unless Chris found out… then it would be bad. But a night with Ramos? It made her hot all over just thinking about it.

“Holly! I’m not doing that!”

“Oh… good. I mean… of course you’re not.” Her brow wrinkled. “Wait. Did I say that out loud?”

I shook my head. “You didn’t need to. It was written all over your face.”

“Sure. Got it.” The lights dimmed and a few of the kids from the dance committee began to drift inside. “I’ve got to go, but please think about asking him? I don’t want anything to go wrong tonight.” She handed me a small bag. “Here’s the other t-shirt. I’ll check in with you later.”

She hurried off, leaving me holding the bag – in more ways than one. Still, I was not going to ask Ramos. No way.

Half an hour later, I was having second thoughts. None of the kids seemed the least bit intimidated by me. A couple of the boys even raised their glasses of punch to me, thinking I had no idea they’d added vodka to them. I marched over and demanded that they hand over the flask they’d brought, but neither of them had it anymore. I picked up that it was being passed around, and they didn’t know where it was by now.

I spent the next half hour trying to track it down, but there were just too many students, and I had left my post at the doors for too long. Holly found me and asked me to patrol the hall outside the gym for troublemakers. I found a couple of boys trying to break into someone’s locker and told them to knock it off. One of them told me it was his locker and he needed something from it. Dismissing me, they went back to jiggling it open.

Since they were lying, it made me mad, so I stepped closer and pulled out my stun flashlight. “Move away, or you’ll get a taste of this.” I held the flashlight up and pushed the button. Instead of the zap I’d been going for, the light switched on. Crap. “I mean this.” I hit the other button and got the buzzing zap I’d wanted, but they weren’t impressed.

One of them held up his hands. “Oooo, I’m so scared.”

The other kid hit his friend and turned to me. “Don’t listen to him. We’re going.” He pulled his friend past me and back toward the dance, thinking that they’d come back later after I’d left.

The kid being pulled away called over his shoulder. “You know you can’t touch me with that thing… unless you want to get sued.”

I sighed. He was probably right. Kids didn’t seem to respect adults much. What was up with that? Or was it just me? Being the security person was a terrible idea. Defeated, I meandered back to my place at the doors. Was it even worth trying to do this job, or should I just let everything go and only act if someone’s life was in danger?

If Ramos were here, it would probably be different.

The next few minutes brought a new wave of kids into the dance. Most just wanted to have a good time, but I managed to catch a few stray thoughts of trouble… mostly pranks, but I didn’t like it. At least everyone had to pass through security, so I didn’t have to worry about guns or knives, but what the heck?

Holly came back to my side. “How’re you doing? Everything okay?” She was thinking that I might need some help with the crowd. “I called the coach, but he’s still too sick to come. Are you sure you can’t call Ramos?”

“Fine. I’ll call him, but that doesn’t mean he’ll come.” I pulled out my phone and pushed his number.

“Thank you.” She was thinking that the doors to the boy’s and girl’s locker rooms were locked, but someone needed to check them, along with the bathrooms and the halls again.

Ramos picked up. “Babe. What’s up?”

I sighed. “Um… I might need your help.” I explained where I was and how the coach was sick so I was going it alone. “But if you’re busy… it’s no big deal. But just so you know, my friend Holly really wants to see you again.”

Holly smacked me, but it was worth it.

He snickered. “Yeah… hang on.” I waited a few seconds until he came back on the line. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Great. I’ll meet you in the parking lot with Holly. She’ll make sure you can get in, but you should probably leave your gun at home.” That was mostly for Holly’s sake so she’d know what she was getting into. Ramos snickered again and disconnected the call.

“He’s on his way.”

“Awesome!”

Ten minutes later, Ramos arrived on his Harley. Holly nearly fainted, but managed to stay on her feet long enough to get him through security. I handed him the security t-shirt and the lanyard that went with it. He shrugged off his black motorcycle jacket and both Holly and I froze in anticipation. But instead of taking off his t-shirt, he just pulled the new one over it. I think Holly sighed, or maybe it was both of us. Either way, we managed to breathe again and took him down the hall to the gym.

Close to the gym, Holly unlocked the door to the PTSA room so he could stash his jacket there beside my purse, and we hurried into the dance. It only took a few minutes for our eyes to adjust, but we got started right away, and I found it was a whole different story with Ramos by my side. He hardly had to say a word to intimidate anyone, and the rest of the evening went by with only a few minor incidents.

The dance ended at eleven, but by then, most of the students had cleared out anyway. Holly hurried over to thank us before we left. In the process, she managed to give Ramos a big hug that lasted a little longer than was necessary. Naturally, I couldn’t blame her, and since Ramos didn’t seem to mind, I managed to keep a straight face.

After we gathered our things from her office, we walked out together, stopping at Ramos’s bike.

I turned to face him. “Thanks for your help. It made a big difference.”

“You’re welcome. It was… interesting.”

I smiled. “That’s putting it mildly. I guess I owe you… again.”

“Yes. You do. It’s turning into a long list. I’ll have to figure out where to start, or you’ll never get to the end of it.”

I chuckled. “You mean there’s an end?”

“Not if I can help it. But there is something you can do for me right now.”

“What’s that?”

“All you have to do is stand still and don’t move.”

Alarm tightened my chest. “That’s all?”

“Yup.”

I couldn’t pick up what he planned. Still, it was a simple request. What could happen? “Okay.”

He leaned in close and I caught his woodsy, masculine scent that made me a little dizzy. Barely holding back a smile, he lingered close for a few seconds before brushing my cheek with a kiss. His mouth moved toward my ear and he spoke in a low tone. “Goodnight Shelby.”

Chills ran down my spine. He straightened and slipped on his jacket. Before he could put on his helmet, my wits returned. “So does that count? Toward the list?”

He arched his brow. “Babe… that’s just the tip of the iceberg… but if it will make you feel better, sure.”

“Great. See you Monday.” As he drove off, I sent him a wave, happy to start witling down the list. But on second thought, did I really want to do that? Maybe not, but since it was such a long list already, I’d have the rest of my life to get to the end of it.

With that happy thought, I headed home, ready to tell my kids they were only allowed to go to a school dance if I was there working security. Since they’d hate that, maybe I’d be off the hook, and never have to do security at a school dance again.

Multiple Choice

Posted: December 12, 2022 in Advice, Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , ,
56

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time finding the right Christmas gifts for my family and friends. I mean… what do you give a mob boss who has a ton of money and everything he could ever ask for? So this year, I thought it would be fun to give Uncle Joey and his hitman, Ramos, t-shirts with funny sayings on them. But even that is proving hard. So I’m hoping you can help me pick the right one.

These are my my choices for Ramos. The first one I found says “If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.” Since I can read minds, it’s perfect, right? He teases me enough that I feel like punching him, although I’m not sure he’d think it was funny. What do you think? Here’s another one that could work. It says “I work out because punching people is frowned upon.” That’s a possibility – but then, he really does punch people, and he doesn’t think it’s so bad, so which one is better?

I found several that I thought might work for Uncle Joey, but I need your advice on that as well. The first one says, “Don’t piss off old people, the older we get the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.” Saying he’s old might upset him, but the rest of it is funny. Here’s another one I found for him. It says “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.” And “I am not like a boss, I am the boss.” Or “I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.” And finally, “The Big Bo$$.” So which of those do you think I should get?

Naturally, I found a couple that would work for me. One says, “My boss told me to embrace my fear, so I hug my boss.” Cool, right? Here’s another one, “My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.” Hahaha! But since I’m getting shirts for them and not me, probably not.

I also found one for Dimples that I’ll probably give him. It says, “Stupid people keep me employed” and it has a police car and badge on it. There’s another one that says “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” So which one of those should I get?

Last, I found one for Jackie, the person who really runs Uncle Joey’s office. It says, “Queen of the Office” and I found another one that says, “Secretary: noun. 1. An individual who does precise guess-work based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge. See also wizard, miracle worker.” I’m not sure about those either, so if you have a preference, let me know!

So here’s my multiple choice list for your vote.

Ramos: A – “If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.” or B – “I work out because punching people is frowned upon.”

Uncle Joey: A – “Don’t piss off old people, the older we get the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.” or B – “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.” or C – “I am not like a boss, I am the boss.” or D – I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.” or E – “The Big Bo$$.”

Dimples – A – “Stupid people keep me employed” or B – “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

Jackie: A -“Queen of the Office” or B – “Secretary: noun. 1. An individual who does precise guess-work based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge. See also wizard, miracle worker.”

So there you go! I hope you’ll take a minute to vote so I can get my Christmas shopping done!! Thanks so much – also here’s one for you: “A day without reading is like…. just kidding, I have no idea.”

Until next time!

~Shelby

Ready to Ride?

Posted: September 16, 2022 in Consulting, Experiences, Thoughts
Tags: , , ,
18

The other day, I overheard Uncle Joey asking Ramos to pick up a package from a woman who did odd jobs for him. Since Ramos was going on his motorcycle, I jumped at the chance to tag along.

“Mind if I come with you?”

Before Ramos answered, I picked up from Uncle Joey that Celeste enjoyed these little visits from Ramos, and, if I went along, she might not be as happy to do Uncle Joey’s bidding.

Before I could back out, Ramos smiled at me. “That’s a great idea.” He was thinking that Celeste was a little overbearing, and having me along might keep her from drooling all over him.

I wasn’t sure I liked coming between Ramos and Uncle Joey, but if it meant going on a bike ride, I had to side with Ramos every time. I gave Uncle Joey a sheepish shrug, and hurried out the door behind Ramos.

Uncle Joey shook his head, knowing he’d lost that battle before it had even begun.

After donning my motorcycle helmet, I climbed on the bike behind Ramos, and we roared out of the parking garage. I picked up that Ramos enjoyed having me along. Not only was I good on the bike, but there was something about my arms around him that made the day seem a little brighter.

That brought a big smile to my face, and I gave him an extra squeeze to let him know I enjoyed it too.

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled in front of a quaint house in a nice neighborhood. Celeste came to the door and opened it with a smile. Her long, dark hair flowed around her shoulders, and the skimpy top she wore barely covered her assets. Her smile dropped and her eyes narrowed to find me standing beside Ramos.

Yikes. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I gave her my best smile. “Hi. I’m Shelby Nichols. I’m Mr. Manetto’s niece, and he wanted me to meet you.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. In case I run errands for him in the future, he wanted Ramos to show me the ropes. Have you got the package?”

“Uh… sure. Come in.” She started to open the door wider to invite us in, but a low growl came from behind her and she stopped. “As you can tell, I have a dog. He’s a sweetie, but he’s a little wary of strangers. I think I’d better put him on a leash.”

She was thinking that she wanted to sic him on Ramos since he’d brought me along with him, but if I was Manetto’s niece, she didn’t dare. Still… it pissed her off. I was ruining the best part of her day.

She slipped inside, and we waited on the porch while she tried to calm the dog. He kept repeating, stranger, bad, and I thought he might be picking up some of Celeste’s animosity toward Ramos.

“I don’t think the dog likes you,” I whispered to Ramos. “Have you ever met him before?”

He shook his head. “No, he’s usually outside in the back yard.”

“Well, if she invites us in, you might want to stay out here on the porch, just to be on the safe side.”

Celeste opened the door wide. “I think we’re good. You can come in now.”

Ramos didn’t want to look cowardly, so naturally, he followed me inside. Sitting at attention beside Celeste, was a large black-and-rust Rottweiler.

“This is Rusty,” Celeste said. “He’s my buddy, aren’t you, Rusty?”

He barked yup, and she rubbed his head.

“Hey Rusty. I’m Shelby.” I held out my hand for him to smell. He sniffed me before turning his attention to Ramos. “And this is Ramos. I guess you two haven’t met yet.”

“No,” Ramos said. After my warning, he was reluctant to let the dog sniff his hand, but he held it out anyway, and tried to project friendly thoughts. Rusty sniffed his hand, then opened his mouth and began to lick Ramos’s hand and arm, like he was getting ready to take a bite. Ramos moved his hand to pet the dog’s head, but Rusty growled and bared his teeth.

Celeste gave Rusty’s leash a little jerk, and Ramos backed away.

“Sorry about that,” she said. “He’s not usually like this.” But deep down, she wasn’t sorry at all. “I’ll be right back with the package.”

To my surprise, she left Rusty there and hurried into a back room.

Rusty’s demeanor changed from friendly acceptance to total attack mode in the blink of an eye. He focused his complete attention on Ramos, making both of us uneasy.

“Just don’t make any sudden moves and we’ll be fine.”

Ramos raised a brow, thinking, no kidding.

Celeste returned with the package and handed it to me. “There you go.” Noticing our frozen stances, she took hold of Rusty’s leash.

“Uh… thanks.” I gave her a big smile. “It was nice to meet you. Bye Rusty.”

We both backed to the door, and Ramos hurried out without a backward glance, thinking that, from now on, I would always be coming with him if he had to pick anything up from Celeste.

“As long as we take the bike, I’m good with that.”

Ramos shook his head, deciding to put me to the test. “What if it’s raining and we have to bring the car?”

I twisted my lips. “If we can’t wait until it stops raining, I’ll still come. I mean… it’s the least I can do to pay you back for all those times you’ve helped me out.” I shrugged. “In fact, I kind of like saving you from something once in a while, so this is perfect.”

He snorted, thinking I was stretching it, but he couldn’t deny that saving him from Rusty was well worth it. “Ready to ride?”

“You know it.”

Older Entries